Change is inevitable it is said. True. I guess. But Change can happen all around you or happen to you. There is a big difference. Some people cling to the person they’ve always been. Sure we all have great qualities that we would never want to lose but to always be, do, act and think the same means that we never GROW. This course has been all about growth. Recognizing that we have the power to effect Growth in ourselves is an amazing concept to consider. Most people think things happen to you and you either learn from them and grow or they cripple you and you shrink. In the Master Key we are taught that we can affect what happens around us. We are taught that all that is happening in your outer world is a result of your inner thinking. The world within eventually manifests into the world without and we are responsible for what that looks like.
I have to take responsibility for what my outer world looks like. I caused it. I’m living with that now. And I have been for a while. I am trying to change it.
Change happens when you affect change. It’s thought and perspective combined with action. Currently, I am on the Hero’s Journey portion of the Master Key and I feel a little bit stuck in my travels. I feel as though I am still in the same place of the Journey that I was on weeks ago and that I should be moving along. However, I realize it is the thoughts that I have within me that are causing me to stay “stuck” in this portion of my travels. I know that I am dwelling on what is going on around me. I know that I am focusing on the things that are wrong in my life. I know that I am letting other people’s actions affect my happiness. Intellectually I know that I can’t change another’s habits. I cannot change another’s thoughts. I cannot change another’s actions. That isn’t stopping me from dwelling on how it is affecting my life. I know that I want to get past this. I know that I want to move on. I know that I have to take responsibility for my own happiness yet something is holding me in this place. Must be that I have a lesson to learn here and I’m not letting the lesson come through. That’s the only thing I can think of. I can feel good for a little while and change my thoughts to happiness and then BAM! it hits again.
I don’t want to continue to feel this way but I am also trying to respect the process.
SILENCE…we were supposed to try to take some time for SILENCE this week. The most I could manage was about two hours. I yearn to take more time for myself. To take more time to just be.
I feel like I am on the edge of an abyss with a tightrope in front of me. There’s only one way across and falling is not an option. I’ll have to take it one step at a time. I’ll have to plan out my steps and let the subby take over. I’ll have to focus on the task at hand and see myself reaching the other side. I can’t look down. I can’t look back. The only way is forward. The end of the rope is where stable ground lies. It’s where the world opens up again and spreads out before me.
This journey is difficult at times but I choose to continue on because I desperately want to be on the other side. The me I’m supposed to be is waiting there. She’s missed me terribly and I have missed her. Somehow we got separated a long time ago. And for a time I forgot who she was. It’s like she was erased from my memory. As this course began I began to get glimpses of her. Then I received flashbacks to our old memories. I feel her calling my name now. I hear her. Her voice gets louder daily and I yearn to finish my journey to reunite with her. I can’t rush it though. I’ve got to take the journey and complete it less I get sidetracked and lose my way to her.
We’ve waited a long time to meet again. We certainly can wait a while longer. When we do meet it will be beautiful. It will be sweet. It will be amazing. Lord knows I miss her but I wont’ rush our meeting til the time is right.
See you soon sweetheart. I’m on my way…